“I manifested the shit out of that!”
A direct quote of myself during a text conversation with a close friend after receiving a new job offer. This isn’t just any job offer, this is a job offer that has been 18 months in the making…or I should say- waiting.
I moved to Chicago 18 months and 10 job interviews ago. After separating from the person that brought me here, finding a job became a necessity- financially necessary, emotionally necessary, and socially necessary. But for the first time in professional my life, and then eight times after that, I was told no. College and graduate school acceptance, internships, jobs, promotions…up until this point in life, I had only been turned down once for an opportunity that I’d applied for. I updated my resume multiple times, took interviewing courses online, read what felt like hundreds of articles on what I could possibly be doing wrong, wrote down my professional goals and posted them everywhere, and I prayed constantly, still…nothing. I was knocked down 10 pegs, drug off of cloud nine, and dumped into a swamp of insecurity, uncertainty, and perpetual sadness…talk about humbling!
Even at my lowest, I knew I had the power to pull myself out of that space and I knew I was acting in pseudo faith, but my pity party had quick sand on it’s dance floor and I was sinking in. I hadn’t even met God one-eighth of the way. I would pray and then doubt myself throughout the entire interview process, followed by a day of self-deprecation after getting that dreaded “Thank you, but no” email.
After interviewing and being rejected from two jobs in one week back in November,
I. WAS. DONE.
I had resolved that I was done trying and would push through until my lease ended, leave Chicago, and for the first time since I was 18, move home and seek refuge in my family.
While the idea of being balled up on my sisters couch for six months while I figured shit out seemed like the easiest thing to do, taking the easy route is against everything I am fundamentally…and so just like that, I was back on the job market.
This time was different though. I decided that I would manifest a new job. I would activate my faith. I would not only pray but I would meet God in the middle. I pulled out all the stops- prayer, meditations, set intentions, sage to cleanse the energy in my home, palo santo to help user in blessings, fasts, and daily mantras. I stopped praying for a new job and increase and started centering my prayers around gratefulness. I started to pray for things like confidence, fearlessness, esteem. My prayers became an ode to what God had already done..life and breath, an able body, and a right mind. This isn’t to say I still didn’t act out of doubt and fear at times, in fact, the week of the first interview for my new job I felt this sense of assuredness but by the time the second interview/presentation came around, I was a little less confident.
It was at a brunch with that close friend, who happens to be a spiritual couch of sorts, where I felt God send the final tool I needed to bring this thing home…and it was through her. She recommended the act of visualization. This is no different from a pastor advising his congregation to act on the expectancy of God’s blessings. So with her instructions in hand, I spent every night before bed during the week of the interview visualizing myself traveling to work by train or car, what I was wearing, if I’d workout before or after, walking into the building for the first time. I envisioned my face in that place.
And you know what…It came to pass!
Firstly, I thank God for his grace and mercies. There is not a single solitary thing on this earth that could make me not believe that he is above me, around me, and in me. To my family and friends who supported me, emotionally and sometimes even financially, your encouragement literally helped save my life. To myself…
You Go Girl!