My girlfriends and I talk regularly about dating and what it means to us in our late 20’s and into our 30’s. It’s that timeframe when dating is less about just having fun and more about finding purpose in it. At this stage, most of us have caught our footing in our lives and careers, have become more aware of what we want, and have gained a better perspective of dating and relationships.
One thing I am very adamant about in terms of dating at this stage in my life (30) is not engaging in casual sex. This means I have to be in a committed relationship with someone or I am essentially celibate. Why? Because I am too damn old to be sitting up at night confused about what I am to someone, what our intimacy means, or what he thinks of me after. What I am saying is, I lack the ability to have emotionless sex. My ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude was left somewhere around 26.
To me, sex is supposed to be emotional. Having a connection with someone makes sex better, it gives it a deeper meaning. When you’re being intimate with someone you have a reciprocated emotional connection with, it’s like reliving memories and experiences that you share together through physical touch and it makes sex so much better! Sex without connection, even really great sex,is just not enough for me anymore. For me to think that at 30 with baby and hubby fever running all up and through me that I could share my body intimately with someone and not become emotionally attached is doing myself a huge disservice.
Just like in my career and personal life, I’ve set goals and boundaries around dating. I’m dating with purpose, and that purpose is to find a connection that will turn into perpetual love that I can eventually build a life and family around. By refraining from sex until I am committed, I am able to be content that my love grew out of connection and not lust. Not everyone will agree. In fact, I know people who’ve had one night stands and fallen madly in love and my way is no better than theirs. True love is the goal and however you get there is your choice.
For a girl like myself who gets emotionally attached to a pair if jeans if they hug my butt a certain way, refraining from casual sex is best. Let’s just say the last time I did was the last time. I woke up feeling less that amazing the next day. It didn’t result in an emotional attachment, however It did make me reevaluate my standards on sex and dating and in that the boundaries you’ve read here were set.