Recently I experienced a breakup, if I can even call it that. I say that because I managed to escape with minor sadness, just a bit of regret, and a slightly bruised ego. I’ve managed to build the type of personality that allows me to move past people quickly.
Although I am able to get past the physical man rather quickly, the failed relationship still lingers. It’s not the man I can’t move past, it’s the failure! Failing at anything sucks, but knowing that you’ve spent nonrefundable time nurturing a relationship that will not end in a big white dress and babies bouncing on your knee is on another level of disappointment. It makes you question the integrity of your intuition and discernment.
Like with most disappointments, at some point you just have to move on with your life. Accept the situation and work on letting it go. I know it’s easier said than done but it really just starts with intention and if you fail a few times, at least you’ve started.
I’ve read articles and watched videos on moving past a failed relationship. What I’ve learned is there is no black and white answer. Just like death, breakups require a grieving process and you’ve got to find what that is for you.
Below are strategies that I’ve found effective for me and figured they may work for others as well. They are not based on any scientific standard or research but I’ve found them to work well in the past and presently.
Pray-Prayer is how we communicate with God. Pray over yourself after the breakup. Ask God to see you through the sadness and the heartbreak. Expose these feelings to God and ask that they do not turn into fear of relationship and commitment.
Meditate– Meditation is how God communicates with us. Read and meditate on scripture about relationship. Ask God for discernment over all relationships but specifically with significant others. Ask God to give you the knowledge and know how to avoid wasting time and energy on a person he does not intend for your life.
Occupy your time– Fill your free time with activities that you enjoy and are good at. When you’re busy being constructive and successful at something else, there is no spare time or energy to devote to dwelling on the past.
Make a change– Get a new haircut or color, adopt a new fitness activity, or rearrange your living space. Do something that signifies a new beginning.
Date with purpose– Use what you learned from the breakup to create boundaries for dating. At this point you know what does not work for you, take the time to figure out what does. Boundaries differ from a “list”. Lists are expectations, boundaries are requirements. Know what will and will not be tolerated and stick to that.
Stay Connected– Do not isolate yourself during your period of sadness. Find solace in the love and encouragement of family, friends, and fellowship.